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Friday, August 4th 2006

11:04 AM (1211 days, 5h, 44min ago)

Do you ever feel like you're being watched?

I remember playing hide and seek as a child.  I found the perfect spot between this bush (that was as tall as a small tree) and the house.  I remember standing there, breathless, waiting for my cousin to come around the corner.  I knew I would be able to see him, but he would not be able to see me.  I planned on making a break for home base as soon as he disappeared around the other corner again.
 
Then I got that weird feeling.  I was being watched.  My body froze and I cautiously looked a little to my left.  There, in the bush, was a small face with two beady eyes staring at me.  His tongue flickered only a breath away from my face. 
 
It was a harmless snake, but a snake, nonetheless.  I managed to get out of the suddenly-too-small space w/o disturbing my new little "friend."
 
Another time, I was sitting on a rock down at the creek.  I was enjoying the sound of the water rushing over the pebbles and the smell of the wind.  I remember being deep in thought about nothing in particular when suddenly that feeling pierced through my brain and chest.  I was being watched.  Again, I froze.  Then, slowly, I turned my head a little to the right and looked down.  Next to my hand was another brown snake, all coiled up and watching me. 
 
I wonder what it is with me and snakes?
 
So, here I sit today.  Half frozen and afraid to look around and refusing to post in my own blog.  I am being watched.  Preconceived notions and miscontrued concepts are my enemy.  For those watching (and you know who you are), know that I am not the evil person you might think I am.  Know that I am happier than I've ever been in my life, and my goal in life is to make sure my kids are happy and well adjusted, and that the man that I love is the happiest he's ever been in his life.
 
Sometimes I wish we had magic erasers for those preconceived notions.  What is it that they say?  "You never get a second chance at a first impression."  And it really sucks when that first, negative impression comes from another person, and not from self.
 
But such is life.
3 moans.

Posted by Lokmer:

I know what you mean about feeling like you're being watched - I developed that particular paranoia very young too. Hopefully anyone who may be watching can drop any prejudices and see you for the unbearably awesome woman you are. Intelligent, ethical, artistic, loving, funny, high quality all around, and a great and loyal friend. I for one am very privileged to know you!
Hugs
-Lokmer
Friday, August 4th 2006 @ 1:11 PM (1211 days, 3h, 37min ago)

Posted by Kathy S:

Hi, I am finally trying to see what the community looks like at Bravehost Blogs. About snakes: I never cared for snakes either;)
I felt like they couldn't be trusted.
Thursday, August 31st 2006 @ 7:45 PM (1183 days, 21h, 3min ago)

Posted by june:

Excellent writing.Love your journal. Its real. Real without being boring. Love it !
Friday, September 15th 2006 @ 7:00 AM (1169 days, 9h, 48min ago)

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